Faux Paint

First of all, Happy Valentine's Day! I'm actually not going to talk about love today (even though I'm listenting to Lea Salonga as I write this-- cheesy music, for those who doesn't know Lea Salonga) but something hungs heavily in my mind and I can't get out. Well, let me start from the beginning. Today, at school as I was in my practice room in the band hall, a friend came in and we talked for a bit. And then he said, "Do you know Jared Newman (in respect of privacy, I changed his name)?" And I squealed in delight. (I'll tell you later why I squealed.) My friend continued on, "Whenever he passes by, I feel so uncool." Or something like that. I can't quite remember what he said. I really didn't know how cool Jared Newman was, since I'm homeschooled and take classes at the high school, but he was good looking and I'm sure he won as homecoming king by a lot. But anyway, I asked what he does and why he is cool. Another friend (girl) came in and instantly joined in our conversation. She really didn't know him either but said, "He's cute and has a pretty voice." But apparently, from my guy friend in the room, he is good at everything- sports, talking, music, etc. But instantly, I wanted to find him and ask him,"Is it hard keeping up with the status?" And my mind had been thinking about how many people (including me) paint ourselves with lies? I'm not saying that the cool kid probably isn't good at what he does, but I wonder if it's hard to keep up with expectations. I think it is. I wonder how many people put on a plastic smile and pretend that everything is okay? I know that I do sometimes, but every time I feel worse. I guess what I'm trying to say is, sometimes people look like they have it all-- hey, I do that quite often-- like they are strong. But when I'm out of sight, I question my strength and they're all gone. I'm so happy that Jesus Christ knows me everything about me-- my griefs, pride, dislikes, likes, passions, dreams, lies, thoughts, weaknesses, strengths, etc.-- so that I don't need to pretend. I have to always think that even though they look capable on the outside, they are really hurting. I don't know about you, but I do that a lot. I need to be honest with myself and God, and say,
"I can't stand on my own. My delicate pride is holding me up. Be my strength and pride."

I don't know if that all makes sense, but I hope it did because it had been on my mind for a long time and wanted to share it!

Sheanah